Minerva's Class
by CovertSphinx
Summary: Welcome to Minerva's Class, with your lovable, stressed, Professor Minerva. Where Chaos rules the simplicity of the universe and walls are broken down. Done as a collaboration with Blanca-chan.
1. The First Day of School

**Minerva's Class 1: First Day of School.**

"Alright Class, settle down and take your seats," the teacher said walking into the brightly lit classroom.

--Professor Minerva. Tall, thin, built like a dancer, and with the sword moves to match.  
A chilly woman with a very serious personality and takes no nonsense--

One by one, the students were taking their seats. Only because they weren't sure how to respond to this new lady yet. Sizing her up. Minerva's eyes fell on her attendance sheet. "Manata Aruko?"

The adorable, over 200 year old dog demon looked up and over at the woman. Gaze sliding down a little distance underneath the young woman's face. He was instantly up from his desk and placing an arm around the teacher..on her lower back as he twitched his ears cutely.

"Right here Ms. Minnie, ready to make all your dreams come true." he said as his hand slid lower onto her rear.

--Manata Aruko, a.k.a Mannie. Surprisingly more responsible than he looks,  
and the biggest pervert on the block. Worse than Zack-o and Akio combined.--

With a twitch of her eye, Minerva took one hand and comically knocked Manata into the floor. She stood over him with a fist clenched in front of her and fire in her hazel eyes.

"Keep your hands to yourself and go sit down..." She trailed off noticing his upward gaze. "...and stop looking up my skirt! ...Come see me after class."

"Yay!" Manata happily sat back down, and grinned proudly. He had a 'date' with the teacher after class. Score. The demon nudged the guy sitting next to him as the teacher continued her attendance.

"Akio...um, just, Akio?"

Akio raised his hand in response.

"And Crystaea," he jerked a thumb at the fairy on his shoulder as the turned his gaze from Asuka Haruko to look at Mannie who was still nudging him.

"Hey Akio, I got a date with the Hott teacher after class."

"Yeah, right, she's probably going to get you transfered out of her class like the last one did," the boy replied, shrugging the dog demon off to stare at Asuka again.

--Akio No-last-name. Half Devil with a Fairy partner in fighting off devils.  
Blunt and arrogant. Left Asuka to go out with Jun, got his heart broken,  
and now wants his 'Asukies' back.--

Minerva checked off the name as she read the next one aloud.

"Asuka and Jun Haruko."

There was a cheery 'Here!' from Jun in the front, and a bit of a grunt from Asuka sitting in the back of the room. The older sister was folding up a piece of paper. Both looked at the other one...and glared murderously.

--Asuka Haruko. Supposedly cold-hearted assassin...with frequent memory  
loss. Has a deep-seeded rivalry with her sister Jun, and is dating Zack-o.--

After a moment of glaring and threatening hand signals, the sisters then 'hmphed' and went back to what they were doing.

--Jun Haruko. Flightly, airheaded slut, but a talanted assassin who views guys  
like Kleenex: Strong, Soft, Disposable. Tries to take Zack-o from Asuka.--

Minerva sighed. She could tell this was going to be a long year already.

"Cerberus th-...the, Ender...?"

No answer. She repeated the name. Still no answer, so she moved on.

"Aoi."

"And Strawberry!" The small doll piped up from front-row center, waving her pink crayon as she looked at the teacher for a moment.

--Aoi. Vampire Kitty Doll with an Imp for a medium. Bubbly,  
hyper, and happy, doesn't like being 'squish-ed' in huggles.--

The little glowing orb that was Strawberry bobbed a bit in a wave, and then Aoi went back to coloring in her coloring book. Minerva put her attendance sheet away. Then she wrote a single word on the board.

Huggle.

At least two of the class members blinked in confusion.

"Today, class, we are going to learn about 'huggles' and their danger to us fictional characters in both a real and nonfictional sense."

There was a hand raised already.

"Yes Manata?"

"Can /I/ have a huggle Ms. Minnie?"

"No."

"Aww...after class then?" He tried, wiggling his ears again. Minerva ignored it and moved on.

"Huggles are when somebody gives you a very tight hug. While rocking you back and forth. There are a few ways to spot these Hugglers-...yes Aoi?"

"What is a Huggler?"

"It's a person that gives huggles all the time..." The teacher sweatdropped.

Aoi's hand was in the air again, waving back and forth. However the doll just called out another question regardless while fixing her kitty ears with her other hand.

"Why does that person huggle?"

"...Because to them it's fun. ...Yes Jun?"

Jun was fixing her hair in a compact mirror from her bag as she asked, "Who came up with a huggle?"

"And who came up with the names?!" Manata added in.

Yep. Deffinately a long year.

"Some Anime Freak came up with the huggle." Minerva turned her gaze to Manata to answer his part next. "Ask your creator."

"How is it fun? IT SQUISHES LITTLE PEOPLES!!" Aoi chimed in on her own. Before the teacher had a chance to answer, Jun was already calling out her next question as Asuka threw her paper plane...hitting Akio square between the eyes. He kept staring at her.

"Who's the random Anime Freak?" The 'more lovable' Haruko sister asked with an O_o face.

"She is known only as, 'Anime Kid'...nobody has ever seen or heard this person, although many know legends. Some say she's about as tall as the building, and weighs 300 lbs -"

"DAYEM! Bitch needs to go on a diet!!" Jun exclaimed.

"So do you. Now shut up before somebody glomps you." Minerva replied steadily.

Akio, ignoring the class in its entirety, opened up the paper plane. He smoothed it out and wrote a love note on it, then folded it back up and sent it flying back to Asuka. Who in turn just crumpled it up and tossed it at the back of Jun's skull to make her stop whining about the fat comment.

"Glomping?" Aoi spoke up confused.

Manata grinned. "I like glomps."

Minerva just sighed. She clapped her hands together to get the class' full attention.

"Alright. For homework, I want you all to go onto 'YouTube' and look up 'The Glomp Project'. Watch the video and come to class ready to discuss. Dismissed."

The class started to file out.

"Oh, and, would somebody PLEASE make sure Cerberus comes to class next time?"


	2. On Glomping

**Minerva's class 2: On Glomping.**

Minerva didn't even make it into the room that day.

"GLOMP ATTACK!!" Aoi yelled as she pounced from the nearest desk, tackling the teacher.

In surprise, the woman caught onto the doll and blinked. Then sweatdropped as she set Aoi on the ground.

"I see at least one of you did the homework..." She muttered over the cute giggles. Strawberry was flitting around happily, knocking into Minerva next for a glomp.

Then the woman looked around the classroom.

"Where is Jun?"

"Don't know, don't care," Asuka piped up nonchalantly from the back of the classroom...in her usual seat. She was folding up another piece of paper. Probably to make yesterday's plane...version II.

In the midst of dealing with Aoi, Minerva failed to notice Manata sneaking up on her from behind...

*GLOMP*

She sighed. Two people did their homework at least. However. Not only did Manata glomp her, he huggled her as well. Head right in the teacher's chest. She had an Anime vein throbbing on her temple while kicking Manata to the ground. Again. Remembering to wear pants rather than a skirt this time around. Prying him off, she began to then write on the board.

Just as the bell rang to start class, Asuka glanced up and stared at the doorway expectantly. Right over Akio's head...who was once again turned around to stare at her. He winked when he caught her gaze.

"Professor Minerva?"

A young man's voice said from the doorway. He had dark purple hair that was messy, and partially covering his violet eyes.

"Cerberus the Ender?" The teacher asked.

"Nope. Transfer student, I should be on the new list..."

"Oh, right. You must be Prince Rougier then."

He made a knightly bow.

--Zack. aka "Zack-o" or "Zackies". Real name is Daemon Crimm  
Rougier. Prince of a country called Ipomea-Alba. Asuka's  
boyfriend. Polite, chivalrous, and well mannered.--

Minerva nodded and motioned for him to sit in an open desk. He took a seat next to Asuka. Of course, not before shooting a glare at Akio on the way. Crystaea looked about to throw something at the Prince, but was stopped with a look from Akio who shook his head.

"Still no Cerberus then..." Minerva mused. "And I see no Jun as well..."

"Good," Asuka commented.

Minerva sighed. Well, at least it would be quieter. At least, that's what she thought. That piece of mind was short-lived. A voice could be heard from all the way down the hallway. Jun's voice in fact. It was followed by the groan of a male. One who, by the sound of it, may or may not have been getting abused by the hyper-active assassin.

"Be a Good Jun's Bitch Cerby!" Her voice cheerily carried as they drew even closer. Minerva was already marking down on the attendance sheet for the two late arrivals. Then Jun continued. "I need you eat Asukies for me!"

Asuka narrowed her eyes.

"What's a Jun's Bitch?" Aoi asked.

"Its an idiot who lets himself be bossed around by Jun," Mannie answered.

A face was then shoved through the doorway. The man was tall, well-looking in a punkish way, and with the oddest dark blue eyes.

--Cerberus the Ender. Assisstant to the Dark Hunter, Kaderin  
the Cold, and demonically possessed. Lazy, Vile,  
dirty-mouthed, and Jun's Bitch.--

Jun was holding him by the back of the neck as she pushed him into the room before her, and forcibly sat him in the desk next to hers. Cerberus was well toned and muscled, on the larger side. There was no way that Jun should have been able to throw him around with such ease. Or it would seem. But he didn't seem to care as he just shrugged and turned the desk in front of him sideways, putting his feet up on the seat.

"Cerberus, please put your feet down."

"Nah, I like this as-is Misseh."

"Now."

"No.

"Cerby, be good! I can't have you getting detention!"

Cerberus sighed and put his feet down, but didn't fix the desk. Minerva took care of that. The teacher sighed as she went back up to the blackboard.

"Now, did anybody aside Aoi and Manata do the homework?"

Akio and Zack raised their hands, Cerberus kept his down. Asuka raised her hand as well as Jun. Instead of sitting down in her seat like she was going to just before, Jun made another point of exclamation.

"I did Ms. Minnie!" She said cheerily, glomping both Cerberus and Zack. Only to immediately be pushed away from the Prince by Asuka, who then clung to Zack's arm...which made Akio glare at the prince.

"Good. Now, Class, who would like to tell me the dangers of Glomping?"

"IT SQUISHES LITTLE PEOPLES!" Aoi yelled out from her seat, looking up momentarily from her crayons and notebook doodling. She brandished the yellow crayon as she spoke.

"Thank you Aoi...anybody else?"

Minerva's eyes scanned the class, falling on Akio, who was facing the back of the class, yet again.

"Hello Sweetie," he said staring at Asuka.

Zack then threw one of Asuka's shoes at Akio's face.

"Erm...someone can trip, miss, and fall on her or his face?" Jun asked tentatively as Akio ducked the shoe, letting it fly over his head at Cerberus. Cerberus caught Asuka's shoe in one hand, and threw it back at Zack.

Minerva made to ignore the boys as she nodded. "Exactly right Jun, when this happens it's called a 'tafkle'.

"A tafkle?" Jun, Mannie, and Aoi looked at her like O.o

Meanwhile Asuka caught her shoe, and went over to Akio. She whacked him with it a few times before sitting back down at her desk. Then put the shoe back on.

A bruised Akio with the red marks of a foot on his face raised his hand.

"Yes Akio?"

"It gets Asuka's boyfriend to hit me!"

"Correct. Maybe you shouldn't glomp her anymore?"

Aoi raised her hand and waved it back and forth a few times, standing in her seat in order to be seen better.

"But Miss Minnie, what's a tafkle?" she asked in an almost whine.

"That's for next class, No homework today, just come in tomorrow with your Shakespeare books. The Principles have decided that our class is going to put on a play. We're doing Shakespheare's Romeo & Juliet. Auditions are tomorrow. Class dismissed."


	3. R&J: Tryouts

**Romeo and Juliet Special**

Part 1: Tryouts

Minerva looked through her list. The play books were already handed out. She had the feeling that chaos would soon ensue...and she was right.

"I call Juliet! And Zack-o's my Romeo!"

It was Jun of course. As punctuation of that last sentence, Asuka's shoe connected with the back of the flirty sister's head. The colder assassin was clinging to the arm of her Royal-blooded boyfriend, who clung back in turn. In responce to being hit, Jun faked a 'wahh' and clung to Cerberus as she threw herself in his lap. The demonically possessed male blinked at her.

"Cerberus, Asukie hit me! Be a good Jun's Bitch and eat her!"

Before Cerberus had a chance to react, the teacher was tapping her pointer on the desk to get all of their attentions.

"Jun, why don't you audition first?"

"Yay!"

Jun jumped up from Cerberus' lap and grabbed her book, skipping up to the front of the class.

"Romeo, Romeo, where for art...thows...th...thou-Oh forget it! Romeo, where are you my cutie?? - " Then Jun smirked, pointing to Zack. "There you are!"

Asuka's other shoe hit her square in the forehead. Only to make Jun cling to Cerberus whining again.

"You're turn cutie 3!" she claimed, pushing Cerberus to the front of the room...desk and all.

Minerva raised an eyebrow as she looked at the lazy, half asleep man.

"Which part are you trying out for Cerberus?"

"Thea...tha capulet guy who kills Mercutio...Juliet's Bro-dude."

"Cousin. Now, alright, read me a line of his."

"Peace? Peace. I hate the word, as I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee," Cerberus quoted from a random page in his book, bland and bored.

"Alright...please read for me Act II, Scene vi, Friar Laurence."

"The sweetest honey is loathsome in his own deliciousness, and in the taste confounds the appetite. Therefore love moderately; long love doth so."

Same tone. Akio snikkered as Crystaea rolled on the desk with laughter at the bad acting. Minerva sighed deeply with a sweatdrop.

"Now, try Mercutio. Any lines."

Cerberus glared. "I LOATHE him."

"Read. Now."

"Fine..." He flipped for one, and read it lightly in a very mocking tone. "Thou wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts, having no other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes!"

Minerva sighed with one hand on the bridge of her nose as if calming a headache while she wrote something down.

"Akio, you're next."

Instead of going to the front, Akio bent down on one knee, clasping both of Asuka's hands in his as he kneeled at the side of her desk (in between her and and the glaring Zack), stars in his eyes with a charming smile. Full of charisma.

"Oh, what light through yonder window breaks? ...'Tis the East, and fair Juliet is thy sun."

Minerva's eyes lit up. Especially as Zack stood from his chair and drew his blood-driven sword.

"Keep your filthy hands off of Asuka!" He stated cooly with a hidden anger showing behind his words. Akio laughed at the Prince as Crystaea kicked Zack across the nose. Zack made a slash for the tiny fairy but before Akio could react, Minerva was between the two boys with her schimitar blocking Zack's blade.

"Mr. Rougier, Mr. Akio-no-last-name, both of you take your seats."

"Yes Ma'am."

They both sat in their seats: Akio smirking triumphantly and Zack glaring with a sulk.

"I believe we have found our Romeo and Tybalt...Asuka?"

"I'm not trying out."

"Please read for us some of Juliet's last lines in the Play, Act V, scene iii. Just for the hell of it."

Asuka sighed and opened up her book...reading beautifully without any effort at all it seemed, her voice, although not wavering, seemed to speak with much emotion hidden beneath the words without over-acting.

"Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end...O churl...drunk all, and left no friendly drop to help me after?" She paused. "I will kiss thy lips. Haply some poison yet doth hang on them..."

"Bravissima!" Minerva praised. She turned to look at Aoi and Manata. Aoi was missing. "Where's Miss Aoi?"

"She's getting changed for her audition," Manata said, twitching his ears to try and get cute points with the teacher. "Can I take my turn?"

"Sure, come up to the front," Minerva replied as she went once again behind her desk. "Which part are you aiming for?"

"Lord Capulet, Juliet's father."

"Very well."

"O lamentable day! Death lies on her like an untimely frost upon the sweetest flower of all the field, " Mannie said dramatically, tapping into his latent 'father' genes.

"And, please read for me Friar Laurance Act II scene ii."

"The earth that's nature's mother is her tomb; what is her burying grave that is her womb."

"Thank you."

Instead of taking his seat, Manata clasped Minerva's hands in his.

"After class, I would ilove/i to audition for the role of iyour/i Romeo Ms. Minnie..."

That earned him a nice slap, as at that same moment, little Aoi came bouncing back into the room singing, "Oh never was there a tale of more woe...of that of Juliet and her Romeo!"

Quite odd lyric choices for such a bubbly melody. She was dressed as a medical nurse, complete with hat and all.

"I wanna be the Nurse!" She exclaimed cheerily, The doll climbed up onto the top of her desk in order to stand tall. Or rather, at normal height for everyone else. She didn't even wait for a cue, just read the lines she had picked earlier in a very stately manner.

"Pray you, sir. What saucy merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery?"

Minerva nodded. "The cast will be as follows: Our Romeo is Akio, Asuka his Juliet. Jun will be the Nurse."

Akio stuck his tongue out at Zack, Asuka sighed with an apologetic look at Zack. Jun whined with a TTTT expression.

"Manata, you will be Friar Laurance, -"

"Does he get any love?"

"Um...yes. He and the nurse are secretly lovers."

Manata gave a matching TT.TT look. "Ewww, but Jun's a slut!"

"Hey!" Jun complained, throwing her shoe at him.

Minerva just sighed and continued on.

"Aoi will be the Prince, Mercutio shall be played by Cerberus, and Prince Rougier will play Tybalt. This list is FINAL. Class dismissed."


	4. R&J: The First Half of Chaos

**Romeo and Juliet Special**

Part 2: The First Half of Chaos

_Two households, both alike in dignity. In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, from ancient grudge break to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes a pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life; whole misadventured piteous overthrows do with their death bury their parents' strife. The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love, and the continuance of their parents' rage, which, but their children's end, nought could remove, is now the two hours' traffic of our stage; the which if you with patient ears attend, what here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend._

--

Lady Capulet, played by the detention teacher walked onto the stage. Next to her was Jun, dressed as the Nurse.

"Nurse, where's my daughter? Call her forth to me."

"Now by my prettyness, twelve years ago and I call her over. Yo, Asukies, get out here!"

Asuka shuffled out boredly with a yawn. Fiddling with her dress.

"How now? Who calls?"

"Chim-Chim does." Jun said jerking a thumb at Lady Capulet.

Asuka looked at Lady Capulet. "What do you want?"

"This is the matter:--Nurse, give leave awhile, we must talk in secret:--nurse, come back again; I have remember'd me, thou's hear our counsel. thou know'st my daughter's of a pretty age."

"Of course! I know her age to the day!" Jun said sort of proudly.

"She's not fourteen yet."

"Of course not!" Jun replied. "Won't be until next week, but STILL way too young to be married off to some stupid prince. It's amusing and funny. A big joke."

"...Hold thy tongue for the moment Nurse, pray thee, hold your peace!" Lady Capulet then looked over at Asuka. "Speak briefly, can you like of Paris' love?"

"I'll look to like, if looking liking move: But no more deep will I endart mine eye than your consent gives strength to make it fly...I hate him."

--

"I dreamed a dream last night!" Akio happily said, twirling around on the stage as Romeo.

"As do we all, moron," Cerberus, as Mercutio, muttered before actually finishing his line. "And so did I."

"What was yours?" Akio asked, still 'in love'.

"That dreamers often lie," it was said with narrowed eyes.

"Ah, but in bed asleep, while they do dream things true."

"O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you. She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes in shape no bigger than an agate-stone on the fore-finger of an alderman, drawn with a team of little atomies athwart men's noses as they lie asleep..." Cerberus continued on, skipping a bunch of lines and saying some backwards, prancing around the stage in a very mocking manner as if making fun of Romeo. Romeo just sort of shook his head and made as if not listening at all.

"Peace, peace, Mercutio, peace! Thou talk'st of nothing." He replied as if a chastised child.

"True, I talk of dreams, which are the children of an idle brain, begot of nothing but vain fantasy! By thy way dear cousin, there is a party at the Capulet's. Thou shouldst come. Perhaps meet another maiden then Beth." He totally just wanted a quick end to the scene.

--

In the Capulet house, the party took place in the great hall. Akio and Cerberus entered on Stage left, the rest the party was already in full swing. As they are going about their business, Akio (Romeo) grabs a hold of Cerberus' (Mercutio) arm by the shoulder as if to take his attentions.

"What lady is that, which doth enrich the hand of yonder knight?" He asked.

Mercutio looked over and glanced at Asuka and Zack. Zack, dressed as Tybalt, was leading the Lady Juliet onto stage by the arm. More as a couple than anything else as he whispered something in Juliet's ear, causing the girl to smile softly with a bit of a blush. Meanwhile, Akio was taking up his stage spotlight dramatically as he continued his speach.

"O, she doth teaches the torches to burn bright! It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night, like a rich jewel! In Ethiope's ear...-"

At the same time, Zack and Asuka forgot that their mics were on.

"Don't worry about it Babe, slap him with a fish if you must," Zack said, a hand on her lower back.

"-...Beauty too rich for use, for Earth too dear! So shows a snoy dove trooping with crows, As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows!...-"

"Sounds good, we still on for tonight after this show is over?"

Cerberus was holding in a chuckle as Akio continued his speech, walking across stage as he moved and spoke.

"Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this nigh--"

He was cut off by tripping over 'The Prince', played by little Aoi, who was coloring with crayons in her book, right on center stage as she layed there singing softly to herself. But she didn't have a mic on so it wasn't picked up.

"Hey! Don't step on the Little People!"

Cerberus laughed as Zack and Asuka still ignored the going-ons.

"Of course. You're place, right?" Zack asked, lightly grabbing Asuka's ass as he kissed her on the cheek.

Akio saw.

"That villan Tybalt, he is touching my Fairest Sun, Juiliet! He must be stopped!"

Asuka jumped a bit with a smile as she nudged Zack with her elbow. Zack chuckled a bit, and then saw Akio back on his feet. Oh yeah, he had lines. Whoops, forgot for a moment as he was paying too much attention to Asuka.

"Oh! He's a Montegue. Somebody, fetch me my sword that's already attached to my belt! By the honor of my kin, I shall strike down this intruder on the spot and not hold it a sin!"

Mr. Capulet, being played by another teacher, Lorita the Music Teacher, looked at Zack.

"Young Romeo is it?"

"Yessir, that villian Akio, after my Asuka!"

Lorita blinked a bit, but moved on as if that never happened.

"Content yourself dear Tybalt. Verona brags of him to be a virtuous and well-govern'd youth. I would not for the wealth of all the town here in my house do him disparagement. Therefore be patient, take no note of him. It is my will, that which thou respect."

"I shall not endure him!"

"He shall be endured, that is final." With that, Lord Capulet dragged Tybalt offstage, to leave Romeo able to talk to Juliet. All the while, Zack was flailing his arms as Lorita dragged him offstage, ranting about how Akio was after his girl and mustn't be allowed anywhere near her.

"If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss." Akio said to Asuka, holding her hands in his.

Asuka couldn't help but roll her eyes at him.

"Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this; For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. Thou shan't touch me," she finished, pulling her hands out of Akio's grip.

"Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too? O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; they pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair."

"Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake." Asuka looked at him rather coldly.

"Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged."

Akio went to kiss Asuka, but she put her hand in front of her face, causing him to catch her palm instead.

"Then have my lips the sin that they have took," she said.

"Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again."

He went to kiss her again, but this time Asuka knocked him flat to the ground with a stamp on his toes and an elbow to his face. Akio layed there with swirly eyes. His attempt was utterly foiled.

"You kiss by the book," Juliet finished, walking off-stage.

--

In Capulet's orchid, Romeo enters from lower stage right, kneeling as he holds a hand out to the stars, toward the balcony as Juliet appears from upper stage left. The spotlight illuminating Asuka is too bright for Akio.

"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief, that thou her maid art far more fair than she..."

Asuka just looked at Akio flatly. He was such a drama queen. She wasn't even listening to the rest of his speech. Instead the woman was daydreaming as she lightly began to imagine Zack there instead of Akio.

"Ay me!" she sighed allowed. Just by chance that the timing was correct.

"She speaks: O, speak again, bright angel!" Akio said, rising to his feet as he still held that hand out.

"O Zack, Zack! Wherefore art thou Zack? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be-"

Akio cut her off. "Not Zack! It's Akio, Asukies my love, Akio!"

Asuka wasn't listening at all to him. Either that...or she chose to ignore it.

"'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, though not a Rougier. What's a Rougier? It is nor hand, foot, arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man. O, be some other name! What's in a name? That which is a rose...by any other name would smell just as sweet; So Zack would, were not called Zack, retain that dear perfection without his princely title. O Zack, doff thy name, and for that name which is no part thee, take all myself."

Zack, offstage, went to rush onto the stage in order to reply to Asuka's words, haven been so touched to the soul with warmth at her spoken voice. Minerva went to pull him back roughly, causing the Prince to step on Aoi's coloring book while the doll was still coloring in it. She wasn't to happy.

"Zack-o!" She exclaimed, throwing her crayons at his face. Zack got hit square between the eyes, falling backwards onto his rear. Right on stage. Aoi didn't care. She had Scribbles the marker in her hands as she pounced for Zack. "How would you like it if A Little Person stepped on YOUR work?" she asked as Zack jumped to his feet. He ran all the way onto the stage, chased by Aoi.

"I'm not Zack!" Akio couldn't help but stamp his foot. All Asuka ever cared about was Zack Zack Zack Zack Zack. "But I take the at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptiz--"

He was cut off as the rushing Zack spun him around and knocked him over with swirly eyes. Aoi just ran across the fallen Akio, making a large red footprint on the devil hunter's face. Asuka just laughed from the balcony.

"Asuka, please help!" Zack called, ducking the crayon box at Aoi threw at him once again.

"You missed Miss Aoi," he said with a smile, standing right at the base of the balcony. Just then, he was hit in the face with the coloring book, causing him to fall back again with swirly eyes to match Akio's. As he fell, he knocked into the balcony...causing the whole thing to tumble...


	5. R&J: The Curtain Falls

**Romeo and Juliet Special**

Part 3: The Curtain Falls

The scene is Friar Lawrence's place, enter Akio as Romeo and then Asuka as Juliet. Manata, as the good old Father. Manata looked smiling at them both, winking at Asuka. He glanced off-stage. One look from Minerva surprisingly kept him in line. For now.

"These violent delights have violent ends and in their triumph die, like fire and powder, which as they kiss consume: the sweetest honey is loathsome in his own deliciousness and in the taste confounds the appetite: Therefore love moderately; long love doth so; Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow."

Akio blinked at him, too busy staring at Asuka's chest to have heard what the dog demon said. So Mannie repeated himself in layman's terms. "Romeo, as of now with this wedding, which I totally don't approve of since fair Juliet is far too cute for you, you are royally screwed."

Asuka meanwhile, was slapping Manata's hand away from her rear end....

* * *

On a street in Verona, Zack as Tybalt encounters Cerberus as Mercutio.

"Mercutio, I'm callin' you out as you so consort with the villain Romeo."

Cerberus laughed and patted the stage sword at his side.

"Consort?! What, does thou make us Minstrels? Well here's my fiddle, and with it I'll make you dance," he said drawing the stage sword from it's place.

"We are in a public place, but men's eyes were made to see. Let them watch, for I budge for no man's pleasure."

Enter Akio as Romeo. Zack drew his sword. The blood-driven, real one, as he turned to Akio.

"Romeo, thy villain. Non shall pardon the grievances thee hast done to me."

"You're just Jeally 'cause Asukies wouldn't marry you!" Jun yelled to Romeo from offstage, cutting off Akio's bitter lines he was forcing out with venom about having to love Tybalt since he is family of Juliet.

"Draw." Zack hissed at Akio. This wasn't play tension anymore, the two of them were glaring at each other as if about to fight for real.

Cerberus stepped in, not only because his part called for it, but because this would be BAD, if not funny, to have happen at the moment.

"Will you walk Tybalt? You rat-catcher," he asked, blocking off Akio.

"What wouldst thou have with me?"

"Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine lives; that I mean to make bold withal, and as you shall use me hereafter, drybeat the rest of the eight. Will you pluck your sword out of his pitcher by the ears? Make haste, lest mine be about your ears ere it be out."

Zack put his own sword away...only to draw the stage sword on his other hip.

"I'm for you."

The two start fighting, very obviously coordinated, as Zack, hands down, was by far the better of the two swordsmen. Akio gets in the way, allowing Zack to make the stab at Cerberus under the arm.

"I am hurt! Ay, ay, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough. 'Tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door; but 'tis enough,'twill serve: ask for me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man. A plague on both your houses! 'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a cat, to scratch a man to death! a braggart, a rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of arithmetic! Why the devil came you between us? I was hurt under your arm!"

As he was going out throughout his speech, Akio and Zack were in a real fight on the other side of the stage. All ignoring Cerberus' rant as they battled with the stage swords, soon throwing them aside and getting into a dustcloud fight as they 'rolled' themselves all offstage...dragging Cerberus into the scuffle as well.

* * *

Back in the Capulet Manor, Asuka was sitting on her bed doing her hair. Jun skipped in merrily.

"Asukies, guess what!?"

"What?"

"Romeo's exiled from Verona!" She giggled.

"Good," Asuka stated simply as she went back to brushing her hair out.

"He killed your Cutie."

"Zack? He's dead, he's dead, killed! Stabbed right through the chest."

"O, break, my heart! Poor bankrupt, break at once!"

If Asuka didn't see Zack offstage with nothing but a black eye given to him by Cerberus, she might have really started crying. Her hand replaced the hidden Yan-Yan back to its former hiding spot.

* * *

Later on, Romeo came to call on Juliet one last time before leaving.

"Will you be gone? It's not yet day. That song was by the nightingale I knowst, the sun has not yet risen to see your ass on its way to Mantua."

"Let me be taken, be put to death; I am content, so thou wilt have it so. How is't, my soul? Come, death, welcome! Lets talk; it is not day."

"It is, it is, hence if you are seen you will be killed. Not that I would mind, hense, as you've slain my dearest Tybalt."

She threw a shoe at him, which hit square between the eyes.

* * *

Later that day, Juliet payed a visit to Friar Laurence.

"O shut the door! And when thou hast done so, come weep with me; past hope, past cure, past help!" Asuka (Juliet) cried, throwing her arms up in despair.

"Ah, Juliet, I already know thy grief..." Mannie (the Friar) replied, eyeing the girl a bit and walking close, slowly embracing her comfortingly. "It strains me past the compass of my wits: I hear thou must on Thursday next be married to the Prince."

His hand slipped down and gave her ass cheek a light squeeze, for which he was promptly face-punched in the nose for.

"Tell me how to avoid it! Or I shall take my knife and end it as will."

"Oh no, dear Juliet, thou can'st remove thy divine self from this bloody world and leave us all in shadows to mourn what once was sun. Here, take this vial. Drink it tomorrow night while lay thee down in bed. Presently through all thy veins shall run a cold and drowsy humour, for no pulse shall keep his native progress, but surcease: No warmth, no breath, shall testify thou livest. Thou shalt continue two and forty hours, and then awake as from a pleasant sleep. And thou Romeo shalt be beside you to see you awaken."

* * *

Later on that night, after defeating Paris at the Tomb's entrance, Romeo began his walk to see his sweet Juliet. Akio entered the room, and knelt beside his love's stone bed. The chalice was in his hand, all set to go.

"Here, here will I remain with worms that are thy chamber-maids; O, here will I se up my everlasting rest. Eyes, look your last! Arms, take your last embrace!"

The over dramatic ex-boyfriend leaned down and attempted to hug his Juliet. Asuka, cracking one eye open, sharply shoved him away and pretended once again to be asleep. Akio fell backwards onto his rear end. His fairy fell out of his shirt pocket and tumbled onto the ground as well. He quickly got back to his knees and leaned over the platform.

"Lips, oh you the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss a dateless bargain to engrossing death..."

With those lines he leaned in. This was the moment. The Kiss. Akio closed his eyes, slowly moving his lips to passionately touch those of his love's. Her lips felt cold and clammy. And scaly. Opening his eyes, he realized that he was kissing a trout. With an exclamation of surprise, the half devil pulled back. Asuka, now sitting up, smacked him across the face with said fish before tossing it over the side of the stage. Aoi, sitting there coloring, tossed her crayon box at the Assassin onstage. The box hit Akio, who had started to flail a bit.

"Just drink it already." Asuka hissed quietly at him.

Akio, trying to save the scene, went and did as he was told. Before she'd hit him again or something. He spoke loudly and over-over dramatically.

"Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavory guide. Here's to my love!"

He drank the poison.

"Oh true apothecaray! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die."

As Akio fell over, Asuka shifted her feet to plant them on the stage floor and looked down at the Romeo.

"Oh, it seems as if poison hath been his timeless end. Drunk all, and left no friendly drop."

She gave him a sharp 'nudge' with her foot into his gut. There was a grunt from Akio in his discomfort.

"Thy lips are still warm."

Juliet looked to the side as if hearing a sound from offstage.

"Noise? Then I'll be brief. O happy dagger!"

She snatched the dagger from Akio's costume, and held it up, leaning over Romeo's body.

"This is thy sheath."

With that, Asuka stabbed her Romeo with the dagger.

"There rust, and let him die."

Standing up fully, the woman walked offstage. Her exit was met with silence. Dead silence as moments later, the curtains slowly fell.


	6. On Tafkles

**Minerva's Class 6: On Tafkles**

"Well Class...that was a..." She sighed deeply. "That was a terrible preformance, you've managed to make a complete mockery of one of Shakespeare's greatest works."

Nobody seemed to care. So Minerva continued.

"There WAS an assembly planned for today...but we will not be attending it. Instead we are going to continue out learning. Before I go into Tafkles, I must give you some-"

Her eyes narrowed at the board. She turned around, eyes fixed darkly on Cerberus, who had his head on his desk while chatting away to Jun.

"Mr. Cerberus, Ms. Jun. Kindly Shut Up before I separate you into detention with Mrs. Nightblade."

Cerberus just yawned, shrugged, and went to fall asleep right there on the desk in the middle of class.

"Cerberus!!"

He jerked awake.

"I.S.S. now." she finished, pointing at the doorway.

"Geeze, on the rag much?" he asked with one finger in his ear. Getting up lazily, the boy walked our of the room into the hall. In School Suspension. No biggy, right? Jun immediately latched onto Minerva in a cling.

"Give my Cerby back! I need him to eat Asukies!"

Minerva smiled darkly as Aoi slid lower in her desk. The doll was staring at the teacher half in surprise and half in fear. She picked up Scribbles the Marker for protection.

"You want him that badly Jun?" she asked sweetly, as if about to comply with Jun's wishes.

"Hai!"

"Then you can go with him to the I.S.S room. Now, Out."

Jun started whining, running out of the room to catch up with Cerberus in order to complain about how mean the teacher was. Asuka laughed.

"Ms. Asuka, you'll be next," Minerva threatened. Her eyes settled on Akio. He was turned around in his desk and staring at Asuka once again. Like usual. That is, until the teacher smacked the yardstick onto his desk, causing him to jump three feet into the air and knock the desk over in surprise.

"Mr. Akio, turn around and face the front. And STAY like that. It's rude to stare at a Lady. Or should you be sent to Etiquette School?"

"No Ma'am..." Akio grumbled, righting his desk and sitting back down.

Zack held in a snikker as Aoi began to doodle something in the back of her coloring book. Mannie twitched his ears cutely as he looked at the professor. Time to earn some points with the Teacher.

"Ms. Minnie, has anybody ever told you just how lovely you look when you're angry?"

"Manata, don't push your luck today."

Mannie just grinned, getting up from his chair and huggling the teacher.

"You just need a hug and some Lovin' 3"

Minerva sighed with a sweatdrop.

"Sit down."

She was calm. Mostly. Ish. He kept huggling her. Unfortunately for him, Minerva wasn't in any mood for it.

"Now."

Pushing Mannie off of her, the teacher sent him back to his desk."

"Today's Lesson is on something called a 'tafkle'. Can anybody tell me its definition?"

Silence.

"Very well," she said and went to write on the blackboard once again.

"Aoi, please read the board for everyone."

"Tafkle: An at-tempt-ed tackle in which the tack-ul-er completely misses his or her target."

"Thank you. Make sure you write this down, you will be tested. Now, does anybody have any idea who invented it or how it came about?"

Zack raised his hand. "Wasn't it just a typo?" he asked.

"Correct. And it has spread enough to be pu into your textbooks. There /was/ a movie to go with it as a visual explanation, but instead we will use flashbacks."

-----_Two friends were meeting up in the instant messenger world.  
_**_Miki:_**_ Sammerz!! *tafkle*  
_**_Samrz:_**_ Hm? *turns with a blink and watches you hit a chair* You ok there?  
_**_Miki:_**_ Hahah, yeah. Aww, I missed! lol, a tafkle is a tackle that misses!! XDD_ -----

Zack was the first one to speak.

"Wow...I just lost all respect for my creator."

"Join the club," Asuka piped up with a nod.

Minerva looked about to say something else, but was cut off by Cerberus walking back in.

"Why aren't you in ISS?" she asked.

He just unceramoniously sat down at his deck. Putting his feet up on the chair in front of him once again. Very lazily. Cerberus shrugged.

"I just don't like Prof. Chim-Chim."

Everyone sweatdropped.


End file.
